


I'm Terrified

by Machancheese



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Anxiety, Dissociation, F/M, Gen, Kidnapping, Not Beta Read, Panic Attacks, Rape/Non-con Elements
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:00:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23675758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Machancheese/pseuds/Machancheese
Summary: Mackenzie gets separated from her group and Negan finds her in the worst situation she could be in. He ends up helping her through dark shit, but not without also causing some harm himself.A story of a young girl who at the end of the day is just scared.
Relationships: Negan (Walking Dead) & Original Female Character(s), Negan (Walking Dead)/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 16





	1. I'll Be Okay

She knew there were bad people in this world, but she always had her group around her. She was never forced to stay somewhere she didn’t want to be for very long periods of time. The group she was a part of was a family and they always got through the bad shit. She had never been alone. And now she was terrified

Mackenzie was out scavenging with three other members from her group when she had gotten separated. They were several days out and had gotten quite a bit of supplies. On their way back to camp they were hit by a herd of walkers. 

Mackenzie was the only one to make it out alive. She had grabbed everything she could and ran and didn’t stop, thinking her group was right behind her, but once her panic had subsided, she turned around to find that she was completely alone and had no idea where she was.

Mackenzie had a tendency to shut down when something got too much. So that’s what she did, she curled up at the base of a tree, and waited, for what she didn't know. She did know it was getting late and she needed to get a grip on herself if she was gonna make it through this.

Mackenzie was deep in thought when she heard a twig snap somewhere in the trees around her. She pulled out her knife, quickly standing up, ready to protect herself if needed. The action of standing up abruptly caused Mackenzie to become lightheaded, her vision darkening.

“What is a pretty young lady doing out here all alone.” a voice said from behind her.

Mackenzie swung around at the sound of the strange voice but with her vision slowly coming back, her balance was off sending her falling towards the ground, but before she made contact the stranger caught her in his arms. 

"Woah you good there sweet cheeks?" The man asked, helping her back onto her feet. He held onto her arms and looked into her bright blue eyes with his deep brown ones.

"Get away from me." Mackenzie whispered. When his grip tightened, she tried again only louder. "Get. Away. From. Me."

She had completely forgotten about the knife in her hand. Before the man could see Makenzie's realization, she stabbed the knife into his side, ripped it out, and ran. 

She wasn't gonna let this man take her, she was going to make it home, and no one was gonna stop her. 

Until someone did, a different man jumped on her from behind a tree, sending them to the ground. With the man on her back she tried to crawl away but didn't get far.

Something hard collided with her head making her vision explode in white and her ears to ring, another hit came and darkness engulfed her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mackenzie slowly awoke, she first noticed her lack of shirt, then that her right hand was handcuffed to the metal frame of the bed she was laying on, less of a bed but more of a filthy thin mattress. 

Looking around Mackenzie observed the small concrete room she was trapped in. 

The door of the room opened and in came the brown eyed man. Without saying anything, he threateningly approached. Mackenzie scooted as far back as she could before hitting the wall. 

He climbed onto the bed, crawled up onto Mackenzie, and gently laid a kiss on her lips. Kenzie wanted to fight back but the panic left her paralyzed. His kiss intensified, hands gripping the side of her face, his lips explored down her neck and to her chest, still covered by her bra. This couldn’t be happening.

A single tear streamed down her cheek, she felt the man undo the button on her pants and then her mind just shut off.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mackenzie opened her eyes to the empty concrete room, she felt disgusting, her pants were wet with something, she really didn’t want to know what, and her upper body was now covered in scrapes and bruises. The room smelled of sex, her wrist still cuffed to the bed shook so hard that the sound of the metals colliding rang through out the room.

A shiver ran down her spine, she felt exhausted, every inch of her body ached. Mackenzie wondered how long she had even been there. It only felt like an hour tops yet her surroundings said otherwise. Her wrist had varying different shades of bruises from where the cuff had pulled on her limb. Not knowing what to do Mackenzie just sat and waited, she had no other options.

What felt like several hours later, someone came in with a tray of food and a bottle of water, neither very good quality. The man left without making a sound. Realizing how thirsty she was, Mackenzie reached for the water. She fumbled with the cap for a bit before finally getting it open and taking a sip. The water felt like heaven sliding down her dry throat, it didn’t taste great, but she couldn’t complain.

She went to take another sip, when a gunshot went off startling her. Sounds of shouting and loud footsteps came from outside the room. The door slammed open, making her jump. A man slowly entered, gun out, and ready to shoot any threat. He had ratty, long, blond hair, and half of his face was gruesomely scared. The man scanned the room. The second he spotted Mackenzie, he dropped the gun to his side. Not moving forward an inch, he pulled a radio from his hip.

“Boss we have a situation, there is a girl.” he spoke into the radio, not taking his eyes off her. 

_“Where at D?_ ” A voice replied back through the radio.

“Way in the back, last room on the right.”

 _“Comin’.”_ The radio crackled and the blond man returned it to his hip.

Mackenzie’s heart was racing, who were these people and what was going on. She needed to get out of there, but there was no way that she could. The two of them stood in silence, he was leaning against a wall observing his shoes as if they were the most interesting thing in the world. Mackenzie never took her eyes off of him.

Footsteps were heard coming from down the hall. The blond man pushed himself off the wall and stepped out of the room. Mackenzie listened closely to the conversation.

“Be gentle in there, she ain’t in good shape.” The blond man said first.

What does that mean? Is Mr. Bossman usually not gentle? Mackenzie thought to herself.

“How bad are we talking?” The boss asked.

“Raped and abused kind of bad. She didn’t say a word to me the whole time I was in there.” 

“Got it, head to the line up, I’ll meet you there.”

_Raped._

How could she have let this happen to her. She hadn’t let it really sink what they did to her, she didn’t want to think about it. If she thought about it, it became real, and that is not something her mind could accept. She couldn’t breathe, her eyes became teary, Mackenzie wanted to run and never stop. 

Yet there she was, still stuck to a filthy mattress sitting with her knees to her chest. She was so exposed and ripped apart, she couldn’t remember what happened, but still she felt so much pain physically and mentally.

There was a moment of silence before a different man walked in. Mackenzie sat up a little straighter, but kept her eyes locked onto the wall. Why were there constantly men coming in and out, all she wanted was to be alone, take a shower, maybe even hide under a nice warm blanket for a while. 

The man abruptly cleared his throat. Mackenzie’s eyes shot over to him. He was tall with dark black hair and a peppered beard, he was wearing a white T-shirt and a leather Jacket. A barbed wire baseball bat rested in his hand by his side.

“Darling, today is your lucky day!” The man congratulated her.

Mackenzie’s eyes dropped down to her knees. He was gonna hurt her just like the others, he wasn’t here to save here at all. He was too cocky, there wasn’t a drop of care in his voice. When she didn’t give him a reply, he approached her. Mackenzie flinched, closing her eyes, bracing for the unwanted touch.

The touch came to her right wrist. The stranger gently wrapped his hand around it. There was the sound of metal on metal, a click, a tug, and the cold feeling of the cuff was gone. Mackenzie winced as the man slowly moved her sore arm and rested it on the mattress. 

That wasn’t what she had expected him to do.

"Open your eyes sweetheart, I don't believe in the shit they've been doin' to you." The man comforted, placing a strong but gentle hand on her shoulder.

Mackenzie's eyes shot open going straight to where he was touching her.

"Do you think you can walk?" 

"C-can I get s-shirt" she croaked, completely ignoring his question.

"Soon, let's get you out of here first." He promised.

Mackenzie looked down at her wrist giving it a soft rub before scooting to the edge of the bed, placing her bare feet onto the cold concrete. The man offered her a hand but she denied it, pushing herself off the bed. She swayed a bit on her feet, sore everywhere, and her insides felt completely torn up, but she took a weary step forward. The man stayed behind her the whole time, as they slowly made it out of the room and down the hall.

Mackenzie looked into a room on her right and saw her backpack and various other objects. She turned in without even looking back at Negan, stumbling forwards when she heard him call out for her to stop. 

She grabbed the bag ripping open the zipper, she was ecstatic when she found that everything was where she left it. She felt sick knowing the men here just wanted her body, not even the things she had. Mackenzie reached in grabbing her extra shirt from the bottom of the bag, and slipped it on over her head and put her arms through the sleeves. 

Mackenzie slung her backpack onto her shoulder, then turned around to be met by the man leaning against the door frame with a big smirk on his face. 

“Did you find your things?” He grinned.

Mackenzie gave him a single nod, gripping her bags strap a little tighter. He then turned and walked out the doorway. She followed him all the way out of the building.

She froze.

Several men were all kneeling in a line, many of them she recognized from her… assaults. Around the men on their knees were what looked like soldiers, luckily both men and women,. Each soldier carried a big gun, some kept diligent watch over the kneeling men, others stood tall, eyes never leaving their boss.

"You boys didn’t say you had a very lovely girl hidden in the back.” The man gestured to her using his baseball bat, causing Mackenzie to flinch. “I mean look at her, how could you leave something that precious in a shit hole like that, she obviously deserves the most expensive wine and silk sheets. How long as she been in there anyway?”

“You can have her! You can have her and anything else you want just don’t kill us man.” One kneeling man shouted.

Another butted in. “She gives amazing sex, that and the whole month we’ve had her she never said a word or faught back, just there for you when you need her.” 

A month

She had been with them a whole thirty days and she didn’t remember a second of it.

Mr. Bossman gave a killer grin and let out a chuckle. He looked back at Mackenzie saying “Well in that case… Dwight take her to the truck.”

The scared face man from before walked towards her, wrapping his arm around her, leading her in the other direction.

Mackenzie started to shake. The way his boss had been talking she was just another object to trade. She could make a run for it but there is no way she would make it far. She was weak and not to mention still barefoot.

They approached a small loading truck. Dwight opened the passenger door and stood back, waiting for her to get in. She stepped up into the truck wincing as she sat down on the bench seat

"I'm gonna wait outside and guard the truck in case some dumbass tries something, try and get some rest, you look exhausted." Dwight told her, tapping the side of the truck twice before slamming the door shut.

Mackenzie flinched. 

She was finally alone, the fear radiated through her body with the unknown of what was going to happen next. Not wanting to think about it she reached into her backpack pulling out her phone she had successfully kept charged up to this point.

The only reason she kept the phone was for the photos on it and the thousands of songs she had downloaded on it before everything turned to shit. Slipping in her earbuds, she turned on _I'll Be Okay_ by Nothing More. Lying down across the bench she listened to the lyrics pushing her thoughts away.

  
_We live in the rain, a sea of change_  
_You can't keep anything you take_  
_Lovely face of lives we chase_  
_Is but dust for wind to take_

_When all is gone, the only loss_  
_To not have loved at every cost_  
_When you can say, and I can say_  
_We loved with every step we take, I'll be okay_

_How do you love when your heart is broken?_  
_How do you speak when you feel outspoken?_  
_I can forgive and be forgiven_  
_By learning to heal with a heart wide open_

_With open hearts, despite the stakes_  
_We take a chance on our mistakes_  
_A brand new day, we will embrace_  
_An open wound that heals with grace_

_All the fears that we will face_  
_In this time, and in this place_  
_When you can say, and I can say_  
_We loved with every step we take, I'll be okay…_

I'll be okay…

I will be ok.


	2. Introductions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mackenzie and Negan get to know each other a little bit and run into their first complication

Mackenzie felt the bench shift up by her head, someone had joined her in the truck. The whole frame shook as someone slammed the door shut. She kept her eyes closed and waited, the truck started up and they were on their way. Leaving the place she never wanted to think of again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

As soon as Dwight got the girl out of view, Negan let his anger unleash. He gripped Lucille, his hand trembling with rage, he swung the bat at the nearest person in line, bringing it down on their skull. 

"I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO GIVE YOU DIPSHITS AN INTRO! ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW IS I'M NEGAN AND NO ONE, AND I MEAN NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO RAPE ANYONE. THAT IS NOT COOL SHIT!" He yelled out, before bringing the bat down once more. Negan stood back up straightening out his shirt. "Shoot 'em all and grab everything useful, I'll meet you guys back at the Sanctuary. Simon you're in charge." He ordered his men, before heading off in the same direction Dwight and the girl had gone. 

Negan approached the truck. Dwight was standing guard leaning against the passenger side door. 

“Go join the others. I'm taking her home, Simon is in charge.” He directed before heading straight for the drivers side. Negan opened the door to find the girl laying across the seat, leaving just enough space for a driver. 

She had a phone gripped tightly in her hand with headphones in her ears. The girl was small, they definitely hadn't been feeding her well. Her long, wavy hair was knotted, and he could tell they never gave her any sort of bath.

Negan stepped up into the truck, slamming the door shut behind him. When the girl didn’t move he started up the truck and pulled onto the road.

He didn’t necessarily have a plan for her, he had dealt with women coming from not so great communities, but they always had others with them. This girl was young and alone, he didn’t know where to start or how she would act. Negan was already questioning what her personality was like. One second he would get the vibe of a broken, kicked, scared puppy, the next so much confidence radiated off of her she could rule the world, or he could be completely misinterpreting her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mackenzie's shoulder was gently shaken, pulling her from her thoughts. With her music still loudly playing in her ears, she could faintly hear someone saying something, but Mackenzie couldn't quite make out what it was. 

She slowly reached up pulling an earbud out. 

"Wake up honey bunches, we're here." She heard from above her.

Mackenzie flinched at the word honey, remembering the men she was previously with and who she was with now. She dragged her eyes open so see the console of the truck in front of her. Turning her head upwards she was met with the man in the leather jacket, looking down at her, with a smile.

Sitting up, Mackenzie turned off her phone, wrapping the headphones around it, and put them back in her backpack.

"Before we get started, I think we should introduce ourselves. I'll go first. I am Negan, I am the leader of this place I am about to show you. We call it the Sanctuary, the people who work directly for me are called the Saviors. My number one rule here is you work for your keep, the second, no rape, the last big one, no stealing. Everything else is small common sense shit that you will learn as you go." Negan informed her.

Mackenzie just watched him not saying a word. She didn't know what to say or what he wanted from her. Luckily Negan seemed to not be a fan of silence and quickly broke it.

"Your turn sweet cheeks, give me your story." 

"Please don't call me names like 'sweet cheeks' and 'honey'. I'm Mackenzie." She mumbled. Hoping he would respect her wishes.

"How old are you Mackenzie." 

"Does it matter?" 

"Yes it does." 

"Twenty-three" She fibbed if she told him her real age he would treat her like a child. But maybe she needs to be treated like one. She got herself in this situation, she shouldn't be responsible for taking care of herself if she obviously couldn't do it.

"You're lying." Negan chuckled.

"I'm not."

"Mackenzie, we aren't gonna get very far with lies." He said more seriously.

"Nineteen." She whispered.

"Hm. Why'd you lie.?"

"Better safe than sorry, I don't just trust random men." She lied again, well kinda, it was partly that but it was other things too.

"What do you like to do?" Negan asked.

"Can we leave the small talk for later. I don't feel amazing right now."

"Of course! How rude of me. You probably desperately need a shower, a nap, and a good meal." Negan exclaimed, his enthusiasm coming back out of nowhere.

Negan opened the driver side door, jumping down and reaching in to grab his bat. Mackenzie noticed the blood coating it. That hadn’t been there before, did he kill the men? They were dead because of her. If she hadn't been there, Negan wouldn't have killed them. She killed them.

Deep down Mackenzie knew they were bad people, that they deserved it, and she wasn't the one to make the decision for their lives to end, but it felt wrong.

The passenger door clicked open, tearing Mackenzie from her thoughts.

"You coming sweetheart?" Negan asked.

Mackenzie gave a weary nod, hating that he had returned to using pet names. She slipped the strap of her bag over her shoulder, stepping down from the truck.

"I'm going to take you straight to our doc to get checked out, make sure you're not about to die on us. I'll have one of my men get you some clothes so you can have a nice shower afterwards." Negan informed her, putting his arm around her shoulders, pushing her forward. 

Mackenzie winced a little each step as her bare feet pressed against the rough gravel. After what felt like ages, they finally reached some concrete steps that led to a door into the big factory in front of her. 

“Welcome to the Sanctuary!” Negan exclaimed as they walked through the doors.

People all around them dropped to their knees as the pair passed them. She hated the fact that the attention was thrown at her. Mackenzie didn't want people to know who she was and why she was there. That just made it more real. 

Long corridor, after corridor, they finally stopped at a door. Negan gave a knock and opened it.

"Dr. Carson, we have a new comer." he announced as they walked in.

"Negan! I wasn't expecting you to be back yet! Who is this young lady?" The doctor asked, giving her a quick once over before turning back to his boss. 

Mackenzie couldn't even imagine how bad she must look. She felt like shit and if she had really been at that place for a month, she may not even look human anymore. She definitely didn't feel like one.

"This is Mackenzie. I need you to check her out and give her the all clear. Also I need to talk to you about some business out in the hall real quick." He introduced her.

"Hi Mackenzie, I'm Dr. Carson. Let me grab you a gown and you can get changed while me and Negan talk." 

The doctor turned around, opening a drawer, and pulling out a patient gown. He handed it to her and followed Negan out the door before Mackenzie even had a second to object.

She couldn't do it. They hadn't even given her a second to soak in the fact that she had been kidnapped and raped for over a month and somehow couldn't remember a second of it. And they want her to get undressed and put on an over exposing gown, then have a strange man touch her and ask her a bunch of questions.

Mackenzie couldn't do it. Just the thought made her start to panic. Her legs shook as she slowly lowered herself to the floor, gagging when she caught a glimpse of the disgusting state her pants were in. 

A shower and clean baggy clothes was all she wished for, not whatever Negan had planned. She just wanted home. She wanted her bed. She wanted hugs from the people she had come to love.

Curling in on herself, she couldn't help but let out a sob. Mackenzie was alone, with no one to make decisions for her, she felt lost on what she should do. There was the option of following everything Negan said, just become another sheep in his herd, and get over the trauma. Or she could try to get out of there as fast as she can, struggle out in the woods, until she magically found her community. 

To be honest the first option was probably her only option. The chances were very slim of Mackenzie making it back to her group.

She would never make it back alive.

Her shoulders shook, a scream filled the room. It was her but it didn't feel like her. No action felt like hers since the moment she woke up in the concrete cell. Holding her head to her knees and squeezing her eyes shut, she pulled at her hair in hope that everything would just vanish.

Suddenly hands were on her, two gripped her wrists pulling them from her hair and held them away. While another pair lifted her up a bit, bringing her to a firm surface. She was engulfed in someone's tight hold. The musk of cologne filled her nostrils. 

Giving up when her fight became useless. She let the sounds of her brain fade and her muscles relax. She heard a slight hush in her ear and Mackenzie realized she was being cradled against a man's chest. Negan? 

A slight rocking started, and the grip on her wrists released, gently resting them onto her stomach. Mackenzie could hear herself hiccuping and gasping for air. 

"Mackenzie?" She heard Negan gently say. She could feel the deep vibrations coming off his chest. There was something soothing about it causing her to lean closer in.

"You're ok hon-- Mackenzie. You're okay. Doc here is gonna check your vitals, one step at a time ok." He comforted her.

Dr. Carson retrieved one of her arms slowly, wrapping a blood pressure cuff around it. "Mackenzie you're gonna feel a tight squeeze for a couple of seconds." The doctor informed her.

And sure enough a pressure started to form on her upper arm. It made her want to panic, but she knew what was happening, she had gone through this before. Even if her brain tried to convince her otherwise. 

Mackenzie listened as Dr. Carson informed Negan of her state. "From what I can assess right now, she is very malnourished. Her temperature is a little higher, it could be a fever, but it's hard to tell at this moment. She is greatly traumatized, so we need to take slow steps at her pace. For tonight I would suggest getting her a clean pair of clothes and letting her sleep. In the morning we can work on food and maybe a shower or a sponge bath." 

Negan shifted under Mackenzie, a crackle of a radio filled the room. "Arat? You there?"

A woman replied _"Yeah boss, what do you need?"_

"Can you bring a pair of sweats, a sweatshirt, and a clean pair of underwear down to the infirmary?"

_"On it."_

Mackenzie finally got herself put together enough to open her eyes. She was indeed curled up against Negan, who had his arms tightly around her. Embarrassment started to kick in, the sudden need to escape his grasp came over her.

She pushed herself away from his chest and he didn't stop her as she left his lap, backing up towards the nearest wall.

"I-I am so sorry. I-I--" Mackenzie stumbled.

"Don't worry about it. Just relax." Negan gave her a sad smile. She gave a nod. Leaning her head back against the wall, Mackenzie let her eyes close again.

For a moment they sat there in silence before she broke it. "Can I take a shower tonight?"

"Of course, once Arat gets here with some clean clothes, if you are comfortable with it, you can take a shower." 

A knock came from the door.

Dr. Carson stood up from where he had been seated and opened the door, a woman walked in holding a stack of folded clothes. 

"Is everything good boss?" Arat questioned at the sight of her leader sitting on the ground. 

"Yes, thank you." Negan smiled as he reached up to retrieve the clothes.

"The group's back." Arat informed him.

"Good. Make sure they are getting the job done. Let Simon know I'm stepping back for a bit. I still wanna know what's going on around here, but I have my attention focused on something else right now and I need to make sure someone out there is keeping things in line till tomorrow." He ordered.

"Sure thing." Arat confirmed, turning and walking out of the room. Mackenzie stared at the door, wishing she could walk out of there just as easily. 

"You still want that shower?" Negan asked.

"Yes please." Mackenzie whispered.

Negan stood sticking a hand out to give Mackenzie help if she needed it. Mackenzie rejected it, standing up on her own. Her ears rang and her vision turned black as she became lightheaded. She stood in the same spot for a moment, giving it a second to clear before taking a step forward.

He led her down another long bland hallway. They came across a door and Negan stopped. "This is the women’s public shower, I’ll be waiting out here. Go ahead and take your time, but if you are not out here in an hour I will send Arat in to check on you.” He held his arms out, holding her shower supplies and clothes.

Mackenzie took the stuff from Negan and entered the showers.


	3. Stormy Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mackenzie gets settled... and a little unsettled.

Mackenzie felt instant relief the moment she walked into the shower. Her stuff had been placed on a bench and her clothes discarded. She avoided looking into all mirrors and didn’t spend a glance at her body. She just quickly undressed and got in the shower closing her eyes, letting her mind go somewhere safe even for just a moment.

Alone she could now feel everything that she was bottling up. The fear, anxiety, guilt, disgust, loss, so many emotions she had been trying to hide from the outside world and it was exhausting. Grabbing her soap she scrubbed at her skin until it felt raw, yet she never looked down. 

The warm water felt amazing on her sore muscles, but she still felt cold. Turning the heat up she moved to washing her hair. The knots were crazy and impossible to get out. Getting tired of standing she dropped to the floor, gently tugging at the rats nests. 

Knowing she could stay in there for a whole hour before anyone would drag her out. Mackenzie leaned against the cool wall, letting herself get lost in thought as she felt the burn of the water beat her skin.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A bang on the door startled her.

Pain consumed her whole body.

She shot up remembering she was in the shower, the water scolding her skin.

 _“Mackenzie? Are you ok in there?!”_ Negan yelled from the other side of the door.

“Yeah I’m good, sorry I’m getting out now!” Mackenzie shouted back, turning off the water.

_“You’re ok! Just making sure you weren't dead.”_

Snatching the towel off the bench, she dried herself off, promptly getting dressed. The clothes were undoubtedly big on her, but that is exactly what she needed. Feeling a lot better than before, she hastily brushed out her long hair, and grabbed her stuff, exiting the showers.

“All done?” Negan asked when she came out.

“Yeah.” She gave him a quiet smile.

“Doc wants you in the infirmary for the night, but tomorrow we will get you settled in your own space.” He let her know as they walked back the way they came. “So is now a better time to ask you what you like to do?”

“I guess...um I paint and play guitar. I sleep and think a lot, but that’s about it. Job wise I stay out of everybody's way and clean, do laundry, that kind of shit.” Mackenzie responded. 

Negan held the infirmary door open while Mackenzie entered. 

“Welcome back! Feeling any better?” Dr. Carson greeted.

“Yes, thank you.” She smiled.

“Go ahead and get settled on the bed. Are you up for some food? It’s soup tonight.” He questioned.

“I appreciate the offer, but I’m not very hungry right now.” Mackenzie politely declined.

Negan obviously had other ideas. He pulled his radio off his hip, asking Dwight to bring them some dinner.

Mackienze rolled her eyes and sat down on the bed, pulling her knees to her chest. She could feel a faint ache throughout her whole body, but she mainly just felt exhausted. Leaning forward Mackenzie retrieved her backpack from the end of the bed. She opened it up, pulling out her phone. 

“How does that thing still even work?” Negan asked, from the chair he was sitting in across the room.

“Um it doesn’t technically. I can’t make phone calls, text or do anything that includes wifi, but I use it for the music and photos I had on it before everything happened. Anytime I have access to power I make sure it's charged along with my three power banks.”

“That’s some cool shit! What kind of music do you got on there?”

“A bit of everything really. I was big on music when I was young, so I have over a thousand songs on here.”

Negan let out a whistle. “That is indeed a lot. What else do you have in that bag of yours.”  
“Nothing exciting.” Mackenzie didn’t want him to know that, it felt too personal, even though the stuff in there wasn’t even really special. But it was all she had left that was hers and only hers.

“I’d beg to differ.” 

“Just a book, my journal, the battery banks. There used to be a little bit of food, my extra clothes, water, and my knife. The men took the weapon, food and water. I used my clothes, they are down there.” She nodded to where she left them, on the floor, at the bottom of her bed.

“See I’d say that’s pretty interesting stuff.” 

A knock came from the door, startling Mackenzie. Dr. Carson stood and answered it. Dwight walked in holding two trays of food. Mackinzie instantly felt nauseous. Dwight handed one to Negan and the other to the doctor, then left the room, without a word.

Negan turned to Mackenzie. “Bon appetit!” 

“You can have it. I'm really not that hungry and you’ve had a busy day, I bet you're starving.” Mackenzie diverted.

“Thank you for the offer but I don’t need this food, you do. Plus I’m used to eating later.” Negan assured.

Mackenzie looked at the food and shook her head “... I can’t… I'm sorry if I’m coming off as rude, but I honestly feel sick at the idea of eating right now. I just want to sleep.” She pleaded

“It makes sense, you're stressed and you're not used to eating much, but you’re sick and we are here to help you get better. Take five bites of soup, half of that piece of bread and drink the glass of water.” Dr. Carson prompted. “Then you can rest.”

Mackenzie blew out a heavy sigh and reached for the piece of bread. She ripped a small corner off and nibbled at it. After several minutes she made it through half the piece of bread. Negan traded her the rest of the bread for the bowl of soup.

She took five small sips, avoiding the chunks of vegetables and meat. Then swiftly handed back the bowl, already feeling nauseous.

“See that wasn’t so hard was it?” Negan smiled, giving her the glass of water.

Mackenzie chugged it down, as dehydrated and miserable as she was, she wished she could drown in it. Unfortunately there wasn’t even close to enough to. 

“Would you like some more?” Dr. Carson asked.

Nodding, Mackenzie handed it to him and turned to Negan.

“You can leave now, I ate and showered. I am just going to go to sleep, and you have a job to do.” Mackenzie insisted.

“Ok I’ll leave when doc comes back, but you better behave for him.” He approved.

Mackenzie gave a nod as she grabbed her backpack and put it back on the floor. She laid down on her right side facing out towards Negan and the room. She turned on her phone, looking for some music to fall asleep to, settling for Lullaby For A Stormy Night by Vienna Teng.

  
_Little child, be not afraid._  
_Though rain pounds harshly against the glass_  
_Like an unwanted stranger, there is no danger_  
_I am here tonight_

Mackienze looked at Negan one last time before closing her eyes

_Little child, be not afraid_  
_Though thunder explodes and lightning flash_  
_Illuminates your tear-stained face_  
_I am here tonight_

“Goodnight Mackenzie.” She heard him whisper.

_And someday you'll know_  
_That nature is so_  
_The same rain that draws you near me_  
_Falls on rivers and land_  
_On forests and sand_  
_Makes the beautiful world that you'll see_  
_In the morning_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mackenzie snapped up with a scream. She could see a blurry Dr.Carson through her tear filled eyes. 

“Hey shh shh shh… It’s ok, it was just a bad dream, you’re ok.” He hushed, his hands placed on both her shoulders, as she trembled.

Sobs escaped her lips, while she gasped for air. She watched as the doctor slowly let go of her and leaned over retrieving her glass from the side table. He held it in his lap and continued to rub one of her shoulders.

Mackenzie couldn’t even remember what the nightmare had been about, yet she felt so much fear in her chest. Her sobs eventually slowed and exhaustion presented itself.

“I-I-I am sorry… I-I d-didn’t mean to w-wake you.” She stuttered.

“It’s ok, this is kinda my job.”

“W-what time is it?” Mackenzie asked.

“It’s a little after three A.M. Can you take a sip for me?” He informed her holding up the water. She shakily reached for the cup and brought it to her lips, doing as he asked. Returning the glass to Dr. Carson, Mackenzie scooted back leaning against the wall and bringing her knees to her chest. 

“Do you want to talk about it, the dream, the time you spent with the men, or anything really?” 

Mackenzie shrugged her shoulders.

“Try and get some more rest ok, I’ll be right over here.” He patted her knee and gestured to a chair in the corner.

“W-Will Negan know what happened?” 

“No, not if you don’t want him to, patient privacy still exists. As long as your state of health doesn’t affect the community, then no one but you and I need to know.” He confirmed.

“Thank you.” She whispered, laying back down.

“No problem.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter was a little short. I have been working on a super long exchange fanfic for a friend of mine in the Prodigal Son fandom. I have been spending all my writing time on it and I finally finished.


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